day dreaming

i dream of one day taking my mom to this place. island of santorini, greece.

something to look forward to

coming soon in 2009. my favorite cartoon series when i was really young. hehehe...

drool

i have a lot of not so good things to blog about but i'd rather not do it. maybe in the next months or so. i am just too tired to whine. i just want to somehow forget about the not so good stuff that has been happening so i am just posting some stuff that i dream to have. it's a dream because i am pretty sure i will not be able to buy it unless i win a lottery which i do not engage in. hehehe...

pretty isn't it? i can't help but drool over it... hehehe...

dazed and confused

a lot of things kept me busy lately. work was kinda demanding but i never felt tired doing it. a lot of things had been happening and i must admit i got affected with those changes. confused as i was, i made a huge decision that will define my career in the next few years. i was determined to get the job until i got to talk to someone who knew exactly what is going to happen after transition.

all along, i thought that these changes will displace us our jobs and tasks. i was so wrong all this time.

the person who we relied that will explain and clarify everything to us; unfortunately, did not. and because of such, i lost my respect to that person not entirely though. i am still giving him the benefit of the doubt. i just cannot imagine why he, of all people would just leave us hanging like that. tsktsktsk. maybe i just trusted him too much and i am still hoping that he has a very good explanation of all of these.

i must admit that after totally understanding everything and the tasks that we need to accomplish, i now have my doubts if i still wanna jump to that big career opportunity. too bad, i cannot revoke the application i made. on how things are going, it seems that we are 80-90% sure that we already have the job. according to them, the perks are humongous but just like how huge those benefits are, so as the risks, too. if i get axed in the position, i can never go back to my old position before assuming this. sounds fair but i still it scares me a lot. who would want a job with no security. i dunno, but i guess i've been involved too much and too bad, i can no longer turn back. i guess i just have to face whatever consequences this might entail. i just hope everything turns out fine.

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update. i just heard that we had an interview with our boss to be on tuesday morning. it seems that there are 4 candidates for the position and they only need 3. i am laying everything in God's hand. if this is mine, Thy will be done.

changes

it sounds like a title of a song. hehehe... i've been missing blogging. i rarely had time to write anything at all because i am too pre-occupied with a lot of things. work has been pretty challenging lately and now it just got more challenging and complicated. this is already a cliche but i think this summarizes what is happening at work right now: there's nothing permanent in this world but change. hay... will try to blog more. i hope i'll find time. hehehe...

update

it has been a week since i was transfered to a level 2 position. i only had 1 rest day per week so far. not a problem, its extra pay and the work is easy though time consuming. i'd like to say that i have already adjusted to this but here comes a new challenge. we were given a new task that is out of our job description. will go to details soon. for now, wish me luck.

goodbye... hello

today is the first day i officially said goodbye to taking in calls. i was a bit shocked yesterday that i will be transfered to a level 2 position and will be doing an entirely different thing that is very sensitive, delicate and dangerous. sensitive and delicate because we are handling sensitive billing info of the customers... dangerous bec i might not even reach the day of my regularization doing this job. hehehe... i'm pretty sure you know what i am trying to say. :)

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i barely had sleep yesterday because they had to immediately train us to cover the position that were vacated by some colleagues for reasons the management only knows. to be honest, i have a slight clue about that reason; however, i'd rather not go into details. i would like to think that things are going well on my way here however, i can't help but think that my ex-colleagues' fate might be mine soon, too. i just hope that i get to stay until december. that's all that i ask for. God speed. :)

reunion with ghee

these pictures are long overdue for posting. since i don't have a digicam, i had to wait for my friend to upload the pics first. thanks yoshie for the upload! hehehe... so here are some of the pictures. enjoy!

demoralized

i am in a state of limbo. a feeling of nausea engulfs me. if only i can shut off my senses and pretend i am not affected, i am sure i already did. but i feel otherwise. i can feel the chaos all over deeply penetrating into my senses. i've been trying so hard to shake it off, unfortunately, it sticks like a superglue and does not have any plans of leaving soon. i've been trying so hard that i finally i've reached the end of my line. my final button had been pushed and i have made my decision. i am leaving soon who knows when but for sure i will.

dance videos

dismayed

my head is spinning and i am confused. all i am feeling is dismal. i am starting to get discouraged... and demoralized.

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i do not like what is happening. the comfortable next to home, peaceful, harmonious and fun environment that i used to hear and had experienced for a few weeks no longer exists. the place is beginning to feel odd and suffocating like a place no one would like to stay even for a minute. i am beginning to feel discomfort. it's like walking on a thin glass that will break anytime you take a wrong step. i am trying hard to shake it off but until when? i guess until the day comes that i have to leave because they forced me to.

lord, please grant me the strength i need to surpass all of these. i cannot fail this time. i should not fail. amen.

why don't i feel it?!!

disclaimer: please pardon my grammar in this post. i have not double checked this entry. i just felt the need of posting a new entry today. so please forgive me if i had some mistakes. will fix this asap. thanks. :)

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i am staring in front of my computer trying to weave something sensible out of my brain to post here but i cannot think of anything. if i am not mistaken, it's been a month or less since the last time i posted an entry. i would like to think that i intentionally did that but it's otherwise. i had a few things to blog about but i am not sure how to write it. so please forgive me if this entry won't make any sense just like my other previous entries. hehehe...

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my friend from dubai came back to the philippines last wednesday night and i am glad that i got to hear her voice again. she called me on thursday afternoon and to be honest, i did not recognize her voice. boy, it's been 4 and a half years since the last time i heard her voice. i only got to see her in pictures. she invited us to dinner or should i say late night dinner last saturday (july 19). it was a fun night. we spent the night catching up with each other and reminiscing the old times. we were laughing hard. it was a really fun night. one reason, i had a hard time leaving early the group. so i did not mind even if i will arrive home at 5am and that my mom will scold me for going home early in the morning. oh yeah, she still gets angry with me at times for doing things like this. to her, i am still her little daughter. hehehe... we were with our group of friends whom we all met in one of the call centers we worked for in 2003. we just worked together for a few months and yet, the bond we shared is that of friends who've been together for several years. i dunno why but it's just like that. i remember a colleague of ours said that our friendship will only last up to the time that we are still together at work. but he was proven wrong because we already surpassed that. it's been 5 years since then. though, we rarely had time to see each other, our bond is still the same and i believe getting stronger.

let's drop her name. she's rox. everybody loves her because she is such an amiable person. i remember her teary eyed when i resigned from our office in 2004 to transfer to another call center. i can say that she did not change a bit. she is the same bubbly person i used to remember. she still laughs her heart out whenever she finds a joke funny. she still has some issues with her hearing just like before. hehehe... i just realized i missed her that much.

will post our pics when i finally get it. :)

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i should be happy today or should i say elated. i am the number agent for our team in terms of quality scores for this week. i surpassed the top agent of our team and the entire site for the longest time. i didn't expect this. i know i deserve it because i worked hard for it. however, i am feeling nothing. don't get me wrong i am so thankful to our dear Lord about what happened because i have been praying for it. but i think i am feeling the pressure more of surpassing the score i currently have and the consistency of my performance. i just dunno. i know our dear Lord will not fail me. God speed.

it's been a while since the last time a posted an entry. i just don't have time to write my thoughts lately. or maybe because i am too drained to write my thoughts. so here i am trying my best if i can weave something sensible out of my head. hehehe...

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there are a few things that are making me look forward to this month. one, after 5 long years, i will see a good friend again. she worked in dubai for the past 5 years and she's coming back home finally. two, another good friend from canada is coming home this month. however, i will only get to see her in august because she has a full schedule for her entire stay here. and lastly, my team lead told me that i am going to be transferred to a new account because of my good performance. and i think i am the only who would be handling that in our team. i believe that this is a good sign. i hope everything works well.

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i have a feeling that good things are starting to come my way. i just hope they are here to stay. God speed. :)

thoughts

i am starting to understand why there are a lot of people leaving. to be very honest, i am getting one hell of a valid reason to be discouraged everyday. though, i am still studying the situation and i am just waiting for the judgment day. i am having doubts but still i would like to know where all of these will lead me. i'm sure i'll find the answers soon. i hope it's something beneficial to all of us. i also hope that i'll finally find what i've long been looking for. something i truly deserve.

junefourtwothousandeight
seventwentyone am

update

after a week of nesting, we had a new casualty. yeah, she decided to leave and move to a company that will give her a better shift. she had been my bff (best friend forever) since day one or should i say since the day we had passed our final interview. we've been seatmates and we often talk about our views and other stuff and we usually go home together, too. it was just sad that i had to say goodbye to her this early. we instantly clicked maybe because we are almost of the same age. haay... sad. i was not able to convince her to stay because i understand her reasons. to put it bluntly, been there, done that. to be honest, i am not sure about this job, too. however, i am willing to take the risk and step up for the challenge. the only thing i know is that i need this job and i have to stick with it for now. i'm sure i won't think twice if something better comes my way soon. but for now, i definitely think that i should stay.

it's just sad that after next week, i will be letting go of some more people i've grown to be friends with. i have to put up with the challenge of fitting in and making friends again. haay...

maythirtyonetwothousandeight
seventhirtyseven am

sad

12 days. we had a lot of fun. we had a cool group. everybody has his own funny bone to boast. now, it was all over and we had to move on. it saddens me because there is a big possibility that we won't be seeing two people anymore and also the fact that they had to go on their own separate ways with unsolved issues with each other. i am concerned about the friendship that was at stake. it saddens me that they had to end up like that. i hope they can fix things if not now, maybe soon.

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training was over and nesting will start on monday. i am feeling a lot of pressure because my trainer told the owner of the company that i was the topnotcher in her class. yeah, the owner of the company was there during our graduation last friday. he awarded our certificates of completion and got to shake his hands. oh, by the way, the owner is Dan Pena. according to them, he is a very rich guy. i did not expect to be the number 1 in class, all i wanted was to pass the training. fortunately, i did with a big bonus... the pressure of high expectations on my shoulders. well, if you can call it a bonus. but knowing myself, i am sure i will take this as a challenge. whew! i hope i could meet those expectations. god speed.

maytwentyfourtwothousandeight
twelvenoon

last glimpse of a good friend

yesterday, i said goodbye to my very reliable friend for 5 years. i just sold my dearest camera to my older bro. it seems that he needs it that much that he insisted on buying the camera though it is already out-dated. btw, my camera is digital and though it has a low megapixel count, i can say that it takes good pictures. i'm sure my friends will agree to that. you may ask if i already have a replacement camera. my answer, no. i had to sell it due to financial reasons. actually, i am selling all of the gadgets (well, i only have a digi cam and a nano ipod) just to have some money for our daily needs. yup, that's how broke i am. i've been in training for a week now and we won't get paid til the end of the month. i guess, this transaction is just in time. i felt a tinge of sadness in letting go of my dearest friend. however, i had to and i don't have much of a choice. i just hope that one day i get to go back to what i really enjoy doing and finally find that happiness i've been long looking for. the kind of happiness one gets when they love what they are doing.

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it's been a week since i started training for this new company i am working for. training as always is fun. however, i heard a few news that a lot of people from the trainers to the IT personnel are going to resign from the company. this made me think. i cannot shake off the thought. i'm pretty sure there must be something wrong. if not i'm sure they are not going to leave. i am still weighing things and if ever i decide not to continue, i hope i'd find what i am looking for. god speed.

training again

i didn't do anything at all. or maybe that was my fault? why do you always make me feel miserable? why do i always get the blame? am i the bad guy? why are you always pointing your fingers to me? why is it always my fault? i am not your punching bag.

i often choose not to say anything because i know if i start talking i'll get misinterpreted and the short story will be a ten chapter novel that will be reviewed whenever you feel like it. believe me it was an everyday emotional torture until it stops. i wonder how i still get to stay sane. i rarely talk because i know i will only hurt people when i do because more often than not what i say is true. to be honest, i've been bearing with you. i am sticking with you not because of what i am getting from you but because you are my responsibility. how i wish that you realize that you had hurt me several times before whenever you accuse me of things i did not do or whenever you misinterpret and wrong me. worst, you would not accept any further explanation. but i always choose to forget and leave those behind.

you cannot blame me if i choose to feel nothing. to be numb. you cannot blame me that i did not do my part because in my heart i know i did. you just don't see it. i dunno why. you are too pre-occupied with your own miseries that you want me to be miserable, too. believe me or not, i am willing to share your miseries if only you approach me differently. if only you would understand how i feel. if only you would put yourself in my shoes. if only you would master the art of playing numb to all your problems, i am sure you will fully understand my personality.

most of the time, i dared not to explain because your mind is closed to all explanations. often times, i don't even know how to reach you. it seems that we are merely co-existing because we have to. i know we had fallen apart a long time ago because you often judge me. however, i still respected you and i strived hard to gain your approval. i can say that it was my fault because i just let it be. you often say that i don't appreciate what you do. i do and i will be very thankful for that for the rest of my life but the question is... do you appreciate me? they say life is a mirror. you get what you give. i know you had given a lot, but did you ever notice that i had given a lot, too? we are both inexpressive people (not including expressing anger often directed to me) i am sure you had noticed. so don't expect any outpour of emotions from me. this is me, the end result of your molding.

i tried to talk but i was misinterpreted and wronged so i decided to shut up. i know it is not the right option but this had been the case since time immemorial. my opinion does not matter anyway. for me, silence does not always mean yes. it is always giving way. i just hope this silence will echo to your heart and hear the heed of its deepness. i still and will always wish you well.


maysixtwothousandeight
onethree am

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i started training in izone today. it feels weird. hehehe... training will be for 12 days. i hope i'll survive. hehehe...

nice phone

finally

within this month i'll be starting to work again. finally, i found a job. i hope this will be my niche in the coming years. wish me luck kids. :)