moving on

i was a bit shattered when i lost my job 4 months ago and cannot find a replacement that is somehow acceptable to me. now, i am moving on. i've been feeling good since last week and it feels that i will have a new job soon. i've been praying for this. i hope this is what i have been waiting for.

bakit lagi na lang akong hindi sapat?


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tears are welling in my eyes for some unknown reason.

souvenirs

i have never blogged about china since i got back from my first and last trips. i mean, written anything about the trip and all. i posted a few photos though without any captions. too busy and too lazy to do so during that time.

i have decided to write about what i earned/learned during and after the trip instead. so here it goes:

i earned:

- new chinese friends who i will never see again after my last trip
- a few chinese yuan change which i just learned that cannot be exchanged to peso because they only accept 100 and 50. (do you think this should go to the learned list?) souvenirs na lang ng trip.
- a sprained left thumb (dahil sa kakagamit ng tripod sa office/studio) that fails to heal even though it's been almost 4 months.
- a 500GB external hard disk which during its first mission failed to keep my important data. thus, i lost them all.
- 2 chinese visas on my new passport along with the stamps, proof that i went out of the country
- callouse on my feet from walking 8 hours a day for 1 week during the jinhan and canton fairs na hindi ko pa napapafoot spa kse pambili na lang ng pagkain kesa ilaan pa dun.
- a mini planetary sharpener which i've always wanted to have since i was young.
- a bunchful of memories about the place that when i look back will always make me smile


i learned that:

- chinese people will still try to communicate with you even if you cannot understand each other (applies to non-english speaking chinese people only) and that they are happy people.
- i can live eating super oily foods with sesame oil everyday.
- i can walk back and forth in a place 8 times bigger than SM Megamall for 8 hours a day for 1 week.
- i can live wearing the same jeans without washing it for almost a month. hindi naman ako nangati.
- i suck in design (designing) in every aspect of it and if i would like to get serious in it i need to break my back to get good at it. or perhaps i would never be because i never had it in me in the first place.
- what you perceive is not what really it is.
- you might have done everything that you can but you will still never be good enough
- i can actually learn photoshop if i will just allot time to it.
- adventure is good but not too much.
- i can't get the things i wanted the most even if i waited for 10 long years for it. maybe it's time to give it up because it will always remain as it is, a dream.

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overall, it was a great experience. though, it had a sad ending. but still i am thankful for the opportunity and the realization na kunyaring artist lang pala ako. hehehe... for now, i need to move on. charge to experience na lang lahat ng nangyari. :D

which way now?

being jobless made me think a lot lately. what is it that i really want to do with my life and which direction to take?

the past years of my life were just focused on how i can earn money and support my mom. that's it. i did not come from a rich family so i need to work hard to earn a living. i once dreamt of becoming a nurse when i was really young. but when i discovered that i have an interest in the arts, i thought of taking up fine arts in college. but was later on discouraged by my parents because they wanted something stable for me in the future. so i ended up taking development studies in college in my dream university. i tried to shift to civil engineering on my 2nd year but did not make it. i also tried to shift to geology during my 3rd year but still to no avail. so, i got stuck with the course and eventually finished it in 4 years.

after college, i went straight to work in a local telephone company here in our town. worked there for 3 months and left because of issues with the boss. bummed for 7 months. during that time it was still okay to be jobless because we still have my dad financially supporting us. i was called again by the local telephone company to work for them but in a different branch so i obliged. i worked there for almost 3 years under contract and eventually got axed because the new boss did not like me. that is how my call center career started. i badly need a job because my dad refused to give any financial support after a few months of leaving the house.

i worked as a telemarketer for 4 months i think. then i transferred to a new company because selling is not my thing. worked there for 2 years. i left because i got very sickly because of the schedule. jumped to one company to another. it is either because it went bankrupt or i had issues again with the bosses or the work itself. until, one day, i got out of the call center side of the company. it was so liberating in a way that i have normal working hours and rest days which i was not able to experience for 7 long years. i stayed there for 2 years. as usual i had issues with the boss again and an opportunity came so i grabbed it. which eventually led to my unemployment. one thing that i realized after working for a lot of companies, i also earned a lot of friends who i treasure up until now. we may not see each other frequently but i know that i will always have a friend in them.

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e bakit ko ba sinusulat ang lahat ng to? pinapraktis ko lang ang ingles ko. kinakalawang na e. pero seryoso... sa totoo lang, hindi ko rin alam. ang alam ko lang sa lahat ng desisyong ginawa ko sa buhay ko ni minsan hindi ako nagsisi. alam kong marami akong palpak na desisyon na ginawa, pero sabi nga nung dating team leader ko, it is better to make a wrong decision now than to make no decision at all. natatandaan ko rin nung nag-lateral transfer ako sa marketing na kinakatakutan ung kanong boss, may nagsabi sa akin na ang tapang ko raw. sabi ko, sooner or later kailangan ko ring harapin ung kinakatakutan ko, mas gusto ko lang na ngayon na kesa sa hinaharap pa. maraming taon din kse akong natakot at laging ung safe lang ang pinipili. nakakapagod na rin kse.

hindi naman siguro masamang mangarap at maghangad ng mas magandang buhay para sa nanay ko. yun lang naman ang gusto ko. pero napasama pa ata ung paghahangad ko na yun. imbes na magkaroon ng mas marami e mas lalo pang nawalan. ang dalangin ko na lang e sana magkatrabaho na ako sa mga susunod na araw. ung trabahong pang-matagalan na at di ko na kailangang umalis at maghanap ng iba kse nauubusan na ako ng oras.

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yup. i am still lost and no one has come to find me. poor me.


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random thoughts. please excuse my grammar.

3 months

it is indeed getting depressing now. 3 months of unemployment is no joke. lalo na kung maraming bills na dapat bayaran. i currently have a part time job at home pero kulang pang pambayad ng bills ang kita. i've applied to a lot of jobs already since june but up until now wala pa rin. i passed the kgb agent certification pero i don't have funds para makapaglakad ng requirements at pumunta sa office nila. yung last pay ko from my previous employer until now hindi pa naaayos. hindi ko alam til when to pero sana naman makita ko na ung hinahanap ko.

recovering

i was down with flu since tuesday night. mom's been sick, too. i think i got this from her. she showed symptoms of cough, colds and slight fever since last sunday. i even bought her meds last monday. i just didn't realize that it will be very quick to transfer to me. in effect, i was bedridden for a few days because of fever. i also got cough and colds. so ayun, i was supposed to start my new raket last thursday but unfortunately, may sakit ng ako kaya d kinaya ng powers ko. ngayon lang umayos ang pakiramdam ko pero inuubo at sinisipon pa rin. medyo nahihilo pa rin. i hope i could get back to work on monday.

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i've got a maternity shoot for rio on sept 4. pero di pa ako ready kse nga nagkasakit ako. sana ok ung kalabasan ng shoot kse buena mano na naman ang bakla at pandagdag din sa folio ko. hehehe...

updates

it's been almost a month since my last post. i actually had a lot of time to write a post but i don't feel like it. to be honest, i was fighting depression. yeah, i've been unemployed for almost 3 months right now. i applied for a lot of posts but to no avail. thanks to the bills, they give me a lot of stress. kept myself busy so i will not succumb to any depression. so, what was i up to the past few weeks? i discovered a few things. one, that i can actually photoshop. not only photo editing. two, i went back to playing my guitar. i found out that i can actually do fingerpicking with the help of youtube and tablatures available on the web. thanks to sungha jung, i can now play my favorite song, moonriver. i am now learning canon in d. hmmm... what else? i now have a part time online job. it does not pay as much as i earn before but it will still pay the bills and i am thankful for that. i am also finishing my certification for kgb. not the russian thing. it's another online job. i hope i pass it. it will sure add up to whatever i will earn from the other part time job i have. heard from a friend that there is a good paying job for ppcs in singapore. i hope i get that soon. nga pala, i didn't get the raket i was supposed to do last week. they wanted a videographer for the event and unfortunately, di pwede ung highschool friend ko. so, i ended up giving it up. medyo kumplikado rin kse ung set up nila e. someone else is organizing the event. ung ex daw nung asawa so i thought na wag na lang. so, that's it pancit. got to go now. guitar practice time. good night everyone! :)

p.s. a new banner has been on my list for 2 months now but too busy with a few things. i hope i get this done soon. :)

raket

rio asked me to cover her nephew's baptism and first birthday celebration next month. lucky me, just when i needed it the most. an hour ago, i was chatting with my high school friend who asked me to cover her wedding in december. while a previous officemate sent me a message in facebook asking me if i can also cover her wedding next year. great. this is just so great. i know these are not much compared to what i was getting when i am still employed but hey, i hope this is the start of something really fruitful. all i have to do is to be thankful. :)

i'm lost can someone please find me.

july

july na pala. it was an arduous june for me. not physically, kasi wala naman talaga akong ginagawa. mas nakaka-stress kse ung walang ginagawa at naghihintay for something na hindi mo naman alam kung ano. i hope i finally get an answer to all of my questions para maka-move on na ako at makapag-job hunting na ulit ng bonggang-bongga.

3 weeks

it's exactly 3 weeks since i came back from china and up until now wala pa rin akong trabaho. i still don't have the heart to break the bad news to my mom that i am unemployed. she hesitantly supported my decision to leave my previous company to go to china but she still did. i know she deserves to know the truth but i don't want her to worry for now because eventually, i will need to tell her. hindi naman ako nagpapabaya, i am actively looking for a job and hopefully someone will employ me soon. i am crossing my fingers.

lazy sunday

sent a few applications today. i'm gonna try my luck in SG with a friend.

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i brought up to my mom that i would like to study again. maybe web design. since, i like staring at my computer a lot perhaps this will be something that i will be good at.

a few days back, i looked for graphic design schools and found out that this is not something cheap. i inquired at first academy of computer arts and i was so shocked at how much the fees were. web design is a whopping 50,400 pesos for a total of 184 hours while print media arts cost 58k. i told my mom about it and it seems that she is ok with it. buti pa ang nanay maraming pera. hehehe! i am also considering philippine center for creative imaging. they have short courses for web design for less than 10k. this is only a 2 day seminar though. medyo malayo lang ang location nila kse nasa pasong tamo pa sila. i also checked on informatics' courses but i didn't find web design in their list. sana lang matuloy to. pero bago to kailangan ko munang makakuha ng trabaho para may maipang-tustos ako. nagloloko na naman ang sun broadband ko. sana bukas mapalitan na kita.

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nga pala, nagloloko rin ang kuryente namin. kumikislap-kislap ang ilaw namin. so, i called meralco earlier to have it checked. sabi nung girl na sumagot within tonight daw pupuntahan. i called ng mga 8pm sabi within 2-4 hours daw e 11pm na wala pa. tapos nakakandado na rin ung gate nung lola ko kung saan nakalagay ung kuntador ng kuryente kaya kahit pumunta sila wala na rin silang magagawa. so ayun we decided na matulog na. actually, ang nanay lang ang natulog kse ako eto blogging. as i am typing this entry, humihina pa rin ung kuryente namin kse humihina ung ikot ng electric fan dito sa tabi ko. nagshut down nga pala ung ilaw at electric fan namin kanina buti na lang patay ung tv namin. kanina lang i checked my phone may 2 missed calls baka ung technician ng meralco. sana bukas ng umaga na lang sila bumalik para magawa ung kuryente namin.

cover letter

one thing i hate about job applications is writing a cover letter. that is why i prefer walk in applications because all i have to do is show up and give my resume to the company and that's it. but here i am, writing cover letters for my job application. oh well, the things you would do just to get a job. :D

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i read a tweet from carmen soo's twitter acct that made me think. i might be looking for something that is already in front of me. i hope i finally realize and find it. maybe then, i would be happy and contented.

keeping the faith

i am not sure what the future holds for me but i am glad i took chances whenever i get to have one. i might have failed a lot of times but at least i learned. i've always felt that i am a mediocre because i was never good enough in whatever i get myself into. in the 31 years of my existence, i still can't find my niche and i am not sure anymore what i want. i just pray that the good Lord will guide me and finally find my small place in this world.

interview ulit

another interview scheduled tomorrow. i really hope i get a new job na. kse hindi makakapaghintay ang monthly bills. hehehe...

hoping to work again

just finished my interview with a client half an hour ago. i'd like to think that it went well because he seemed pleased with my answers during the interview and asked me the time i prefer to work before we ended. i hope it's a good sign. by the way, i need to get a new ISP. my connection is not as reliable as before. anyway, i am hoping that i get this job and get over this boredom soon. most importantly, i get to pay our bills by next month. wish me luck kids.

under construction

hey. i am still tweaking my blog's lay out so please bear with me. thanks. :)

reunion with ghee

another photoblog from our reunion with ghee and a little photoshoot of ty:

new layout

i just found out that blogger is offering new blog designs and decided to try it out out of boredom. will try to tweak it more in the next few days.

china

photo blog of my trip to south china. (dongguan, xiamen and guangzhou)