thoughts to ponder

the final blow to our never ending legal battle for financial support from my dad just came last thursday. all the efforts exerted went to waste. too bad, my mom just realized it last thursday. i must admit she is the only one persistent on this and she's been nagging me to do something. don't get me wrong. i did my best to help her though, i know that the result will be futile. just for my mom's satisfaction... for her peace of mind.

as for me, this battle ended a long time ago. i've told her several times that i would rather work hard and earn a living rather than waste my time fighting for something that will not have a favorable result. and in the process will bring back all the hurt that were long time forgotten. and i was right. i know our rights though i'm not an expert. from that knowledge, i know that the chase is already over unless you launch the fight legally. which, we definitely can't afford. we are even struggling to make both ends meet each month because of a desperate need to relocate from the area we are currently living. the reason, it's my grandmother's (from my dad's side) property and all my dad's relatives live in the same area. just imagine how difficult it is for my mom.

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while we were asking for some legal advise last thursday, i made a mental note of all those things that the lady was explaining. as i came to understand what the law mandates for all uniformed personnels, i had this in mind: never marry a uniformed guy unless you have a lot of money to spend for your legal rights or unless you are dead sure you will not end up on your own separate ways. i know it does not make any sense. for you, yes... but for me it does. i bet you would never want to be in my shoes if you know what kind of situation my family is into. just be thankful your not. :)

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i usually hear this from my mom's acquaintances whenever they discover that i am already 28 years old and still unmarried. "buti di pa naiisipan ng anak mo na mag-asawa". hahaha... funny. i think i might not or rather not lalo na kapag naiisip ko ung situation ng nanay ngayon. but to be honest, the thought of growing old alone frightens me. i just hope this is not what fate has instore for me. :)

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i hate being stared at because i hate attention. and i hate those people who stares at you from head to foot as if they themselves does not have any imperfections. i am always a victim of those people. i am just wondering if it was the first time they ever saw a human being wearing a shirt and jeans with a backpack. argghhhh!

i hate those people who ride in a public transportation vehicle like the jeepney na ayaw mag-abot ng bayad ng mga katabi nila. i vividly remember this big guy na katabi nya ung nag-aabot ng pamasahe and yet deadma sya. i doubt it kung di nya nakita o napansin dahil nasa harapan nya mismo ung kamay nung nag-aabot ng pamasahe e. the hell! what's wrong with you??!! mababawasan ba ang lakas mo kung iaabot mo ung pamasahe nya sa driver! haay.

don't get me wrong. i'm just disturbed with this fact that i first handedly experienced most of the time.

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angst ba toh?!

nope. just expressing my thoughts.

di ako galit sa mundo.

though, most of the times life seems unfair.

i don't dwell.

i'm too numb for that.

i'm still optimistic.

i believe that i have to live for today and not in the past nor the future.

i have to see life as something beautiful and worth living or else i'll end up miserable.

i don't want to be miserable.

i'll continue to live my life as i've always wanted it.

'til all my dreams become a reality. :)

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one happy thought yesterday, my mom and i made peach crepes. made the crepes using a pan because we don't have a crepe maker. everything went well except that i forgot to buy cream for the crepes. hahaha... ok na rin... masarap naman e. :)