i had a tiring day today. i went to see my surgeon for my quarterly check up. arrived there at 10:45am just to find out that their clinic hours during fridays is not until 3:00pm. great. so i left and proceeded to cubao area to submit my resignation letter as requested by china. i left it to the guards and texted my tm informing her that i left my resignation letter there. to my surprise, my co-trainee texted me that i was tagged with "no call no show" by workforce according to our tm. i was just wondering why i was tagged as such when i informed my tm in charge and my trainer that i already dropped out. ang labo. now i am convinced that there is really something wrong with their process. just like how chaotic the first day of SST was. haayyy... the first thing that came to my mind was if i will get my training allowance. so i texted an ex-officemate who works there as workforce. i informed her about the situation and assured me that i should get my allowance because they do not process our payroll yet since i was not yet certified. haay, salamat naman. so there... dumiretso nako sa makati after to get COE from my previous employer. kaya lang they refused to release any document kse nga raw the company does not exist anymore. sayang na naman ang pagod at pamasahe ko ang init pa naman. balik na naman ako sa duktor ko para sa check up. he just got the results of my recent ultrasound tapos... tapos na. wala pa atang 5 minutes un tapos i had to pay 500 na for that. wow! sana pala nagduktor na rin lang ako at least madali ang pera. pero wala rin naman kaming perang pangtustos sa medicine na course kaya it would be best to drop that thought.
i received a text message from someone today inquiring if my ipod nano is still for sale. he is interested with it however, having 2nd thoughts because he saw a 2nd gen ipod nano also for sale for the same selling price. i hope he buys it i badly need cash.
grabeh! puro na lang problema kelan kaya matatapos toh?! alam kong nagwoworry na ang nanay. our resources are fast depleting. i hope i can get a new job asap or if possible sana makalipad ako agad sa dubai sa tulong ni rox. God speed.
marchtwentyeighttwothousandeight
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i received some good news from my ex-co-trainee today. first, she confirmed that i should be able to get my training allowance by april 5 though, workforce tagged me "no call no show" which is equivalent to termination. second, that everyone passed the nesting period. sayang daw, sana itinuloy ko na lang. i must admit that there is a small part of me that doubts my decision last tuesday. what if i continued? what if i passed? i should already have a good paying job and i should have not made my mom worry again about our financial situation. well... i still cannot tell. anything can happen and i am still sure up to this moment that i won't be that happy even if i passed even if i am already getting 23k worth of salary. i am not sure why i cannot explain my main reason of quitting... why i want out... all i know is that there is something wrong and there is something heavy in my heart that i carry whenever i go to work. maybe my mind is set that i would like to try my luck somewhere else. that i have to find my niche and definitely that's not the call center industry anymore... that i want to be out of the call center industry even for whatever consequences it may entail. though, i might get a lower paying job and keep more than one job, i really don't care now. all for the sake of having a normal life i guess. alam ko malabo. alam ko magulo. before all i want was to get a good paying job so i can give my mom a better life and now, i am taking that opportunity for granted. i almost had the best paying job i'd ever had but i let it slip away because i am a coward... i must admit that i hate uncertainties at this point of my life... believe me i used to be a lot braver but due to some unexpected turn of events i dunno why i am showing weakness at this point. i should be more brave than ever because i have a bigger responsibility now but i am not. maybe i am not that strong enough. i guess, i am tired. most part of my life was spent on fighting for something i do not know. all i know is i've been fighting an invisible enemy for years and up until now that battle has not yet been won. i am not even sure about my chances in this battle.
there are a lot of things running in my head right now and i just need to assure myself that i made the right decisions in the past 29 years of my life. that my life was not a waste and that there's still hope that all i dreamt of having for my mom will still come true. that i am not a disappointment just like what my dad thinks.
i might show an impression that i am someone who does not have any ambition in life and very carefree but the truth is i am not. i guess the right opportunity has not yet come or better yet i was just never given a chance to shine. or maybe i am looking too far that i miss out the right opportunities offered. i dunno. all i know is that God has a plan for each one of us and it is our task to find that plan in our life time. i hope i find it soon before i run out of time. i must admit that i play numb most of the time. i refuse to feel any emotions. i live by the moment and puts everything in fate's hands. kaya madalas akong napagkakamalang walang pakialam. im not sure if i already wrote about this before but this is my way of coping because if i dont for sure i'm going to be insane.
im not sure if i have a logical train of thought with this entry. i dunno if i am making any sense, too. all i know is i am thankful to this medium that i get to pour out my thoughts and feelings even if i dunno who reads it. i just hope that i make you realize how lucky you are given that you have found what you are looking for. as for me, i still dunno where life will lead me. all i am hoping for is that i find what i am looking for very soon for i am not getting any younger and i want my mom to experience a better life the sooner possible time because she had enough of hardships and i definitely think it's time to give her a break.
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i have something to confess. i have this fear that i might discover i have a serious disease. i have been noticing some unusual body habits of mine the past months. it all started last february and i am just afraid that its serious. i am keeping my fingers crossed and praying hard that i am just being praning.
marchtwentyninetwothousandeight
elevenfiftyfivepostmeridiantime
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i've been writing more frequently than ever. maybe because i am being too emotional the past few days that i no longer think straight. forgive me for being so melodramatic. i guess the true me is surfacing now. btw, will someone tell me i made the right decision?!
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what i don't know won't hurt me... that is what i always tell myself. play numb about a lot of things... as always... my scape goat. i'm sure i would pass for a scape artist if given a chance. some people would say i am a strong person but in fact it was just a mask.
a few hours back today, i saw my younger "brother"... yeah, i thought i was the youngest, too. well, that was what i thought a few years back. i've been hearing about this from my mom and my older brother before but i just don't care. as i have mentioned, what i don't know won't hurt me or at least what i haven't seen. but it's different when you see the kid with your own eyes. the favored kid over us, the legitimate kids. tsktsktsk... he was being taken cared of by my dad's relatives. to remind you guys, my mom and i lives in a compound with my dad's relatives as neighbors. great, isn't it. old wounds are once again fresh... tsktsktsk...
i know my mom is the most affected by this. i know she is still hurting eventhough, it has been more than 4 years. she wants to leave this place asap. great timing isn't it?! ngayon pang wala akong trabaho. but where are we going to go?! we don't have any place to go and money to spend. kainis. sobra nang kamalasan toh! ewan ko ba?!
marchthirtytwothousandeight
i received a text message from someone today inquiring if my ipod nano is still for sale. he is interested with it however, having 2nd thoughts because he saw a 2nd gen ipod nano also for sale for the same selling price. i hope he buys it i badly need cash.
grabeh! puro na lang problema kelan kaya matatapos toh?! alam kong nagwoworry na ang nanay. our resources are fast depleting. i hope i can get a new job asap or if possible sana makalipad ako agad sa dubai sa tulong ni rox. God speed.
marchtwentyeighttwothousandeight
--------------
i received some good news from my ex-co-trainee today. first, she confirmed that i should be able to get my training allowance by april 5 though, workforce tagged me "no call no show" which is equivalent to termination. second, that everyone passed the nesting period. sayang daw, sana itinuloy ko na lang. i must admit that there is a small part of me that doubts my decision last tuesday. what if i continued? what if i passed? i should already have a good paying job and i should have not made my mom worry again about our financial situation. well... i still cannot tell. anything can happen and i am still sure up to this moment that i won't be that happy even if i passed even if i am already getting 23k worth of salary. i am not sure why i cannot explain my main reason of quitting... why i want out... all i know is that there is something wrong and there is something heavy in my heart that i carry whenever i go to work. maybe my mind is set that i would like to try my luck somewhere else. that i have to find my niche and definitely that's not the call center industry anymore... that i want to be out of the call center industry even for whatever consequences it may entail. though, i might get a lower paying job and keep more than one job, i really don't care now. all for the sake of having a normal life i guess. alam ko malabo. alam ko magulo. before all i want was to get a good paying job so i can give my mom a better life and now, i am taking that opportunity for granted. i almost had the best paying job i'd ever had but i let it slip away because i am a coward... i must admit that i hate uncertainties at this point of my life... believe me i used to be a lot braver but due to some unexpected turn of events i dunno why i am showing weakness at this point. i should be more brave than ever because i have a bigger responsibility now but i am not. maybe i am not that strong enough. i guess, i am tired. most part of my life was spent on fighting for something i do not know. all i know is i've been fighting an invisible enemy for years and up until now that battle has not yet been won. i am not even sure about my chances in this battle.
there are a lot of things running in my head right now and i just need to assure myself that i made the right decisions in the past 29 years of my life. that my life was not a waste and that there's still hope that all i dreamt of having for my mom will still come true. that i am not a disappointment just like what my dad thinks.
i might show an impression that i am someone who does not have any ambition in life and very carefree but the truth is i am not. i guess the right opportunity has not yet come or better yet i was just never given a chance to shine. or maybe i am looking too far that i miss out the right opportunities offered. i dunno. all i know is that God has a plan for each one of us and it is our task to find that plan in our life time. i hope i find it soon before i run out of time. i must admit that i play numb most of the time. i refuse to feel any emotions. i live by the moment and puts everything in fate's hands. kaya madalas akong napagkakamalang walang pakialam. im not sure if i already wrote about this before but this is my way of coping because if i dont for sure i'm going to be insane.
im not sure if i have a logical train of thought with this entry. i dunno if i am making any sense, too. all i know is i am thankful to this medium that i get to pour out my thoughts and feelings even if i dunno who reads it. i just hope that i make you realize how lucky you are given that you have found what you are looking for. as for me, i still dunno where life will lead me. all i am hoping for is that i find what i am looking for very soon for i am not getting any younger and i want my mom to experience a better life the sooner possible time because she had enough of hardships and i definitely think it's time to give her a break.
-------------
i have something to confess. i have this fear that i might discover i have a serious disease. i have been noticing some unusual body habits of mine the past months. it all started last february and i am just afraid that its serious. i am keeping my fingers crossed and praying hard that i am just being praning.
marchtwentyninetwothousandeight
elevenfiftyfivepostmeridiantime
--------------
i've been writing more frequently than ever. maybe because i am being too emotional the past few days that i no longer think straight. forgive me for being so melodramatic. i guess the true me is surfacing now. btw, will someone tell me i made the right decision?!
--------------
what i don't know won't hurt me... that is what i always tell myself. play numb about a lot of things... as always... my scape goat. i'm sure i would pass for a scape artist if given a chance. some people would say i am a strong person but in fact it was just a mask.
a few hours back today, i saw my younger "brother"... yeah, i thought i was the youngest, too. well, that was what i thought a few years back. i've been hearing about this from my mom and my older brother before but i just don't care. as i have mentioned, what i don't know won't hurt me or at least what i haven't seen. but it's different when you see the kid with your own eyes. the favored kid over us, the legitimate kids. tsktsktsk... he was being taken cared of by my dad's relatives. to remind you guys, my mom and i lives in a compound with my dad's relatives as neighbors. great, isn't it. old wounds are once again fresh... tsktsktsk...
i know my mom is the most affected by this. i know she is still hurting eventhough, it has been more than 4 years. she wants to leave this place asap. great timing isn't it?! ngayon pang wala akong trabaho. but where are we going to go?! we don't have any place to go and money to spend. kainis. sobra nang kamalasan toh! ewan ko ba?!
marchthirtytwothousandeight
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