Thursday, March 27, 2008

i quit

i made a big decision yesterday. i dropped out of our nesting period after 1 day of taking in calls. i was already assessed yesterday and i was told that i cannot take calls because of my verbatim issues. to be honest, that was not the reason i decided to drop out. i feel that i had enough stress that i can handle for the sake of getting a 23k worth of a job. and i feel that with everything i went through the amount is not worth it. yup, there is always a price to pay for the things we want to have. i must admit i had come so close to finishing and graduating and getting certified, however, i got tired of it. just imagine, being in training for more than a month without an employee-employer relationship, no assurance of getting formally employed, with only a meager amount of training allowance in my pocket, won't that drive you nuts?! i know i was given a chance most of my classmates in sst were not given and i blew it. i think i did not. i did my best to pass but what can i do if i grew tired and can no longer focus on the task at hand?! i've been literally dragging myself since our test bed. i was not supposed to come anymore but i still did hoping they will tell me i did not pass but i did. i guess i just want to hear what they told me yesterday and that was the signal i am long been waiting for. i know i need a job but i think this account is not for me. i well know that i have selective hearing that is why i am also wondering how i got through. i also realized that this account places the lives of the deaf people in our hands therefore we cannot afford to commit mistakes. that made me realize that this account is not for me because i definitely cannot afford to commit that mistake.

my mom took my decision lightly yesterday. however, she no longer does today. maybe she gave this some thought last night and weighed everything she will say to me. unfortunately, it did not come out that nice. but i took it lightly. i must admit it was my fault. i gave up easily when i am almost there. she told me that why do i always quit when i get stressed and encounter difficulties. what she does not realise is that i had enough of stress and difficulties. living my life is already a difficult thing to do. i never had a job that lasted for more than 2 years. i was never lucky with a lot of things even when it comes to family affairs. i belong to a broken family, don't i?! it was not even easy to be the family's bread winner for three years. however, i never complained. i still went on with life and did everything i can to survive. i never even thought of ending my life because i was a very unlucky person. i always think that i just never had the right opportunity and i just have not found what i was looking for. for what that is, i dunno. as i have once told a friend, i will know when i finally find it. i just hope that will be soon... very soon. i hope someone will understand where i am coming from. i am not complaining. just whining as always. i hope you will understand why i had to do this.

you would not believe me how relieved i was when i finally decided to quit. i woke up at peace this morning though, i don't have a job yet. i know deep in my heart i made the right decision because i will never be happy if i did continue. my TM wants to talk to me about my decision however, i refused to. i know they will just encourage me to stay but still cannot guarantee my employment. what's the use?! i just need an assurance. i don't have any doubts on my capabilities i have proven them so many times. i really think i need a change of career. a hotel staff or an english teacher... who knows i just need a new working environment.

btw, there are a lot of things i should be thankful after this very stressful training. one, i lost a lot of weight. thanks to stress and pressure. two, i now type fast. 60-63wpm. before my speed was only average. three, i met new friends. though, i won't see them anymore they will still remain to be my friends. four, i now know how to get to gateway when i commute. five, i now know where to find bottles for collections which i plan to do soon. lastly, i realized that even how strong a person is we can never tell when his strength will disappear. ha?! ano daw?! hehehe...


marchtwentysixtwothousandeight


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i thought i had settled everything about quitting nesting yesterday. i did my part on informing them that i am dropping out however, i received two text messages from my trainer china and tm ton today. china was checking on me and asked why i am not going to work anymore. i told her that i already dropped out and already informed tm euge yesterday. on the other hand, tm ton informed me that he is going to be my tm and asked if i know about the company outing and if i am interested to join. i told him that i know about it however, i am not interested because i already dropped out of nesting. i think they are still trying to save my ass. but i think there's nothing they can do or say that will change my mind. yeah, i had second thoughts of coming back to work but a large part of myself wants to quit badly.

china asked me to submit a resignation letter to tm euge. yeah, i have to write a resignation letter again. i never thought i would this early and i don't understand why i had to. as far as i remember, the training agreement that we signed indicates that there is no employee-employer relationship between us and stellar until we finally get certified. however, i still obliged. so i have to go to stellar tomorrow to submit my resignation letter. anyway, i can go to makati to get my certificate of employment from my previous company.

to be honest, my one month stay at stellar was a real learning experience for both the SST and PST trainings. i learned a lot and I must admit that I also realized a lot of things. Though, I hate to admit it, I feel that this account is not for me. I know long before that I have selective hearing; however, that did not hinder me from being a good Customer Service Rep. Before I thought I am capable of doing anything and that I can handle anything and everything that comes my way. However, that is no longer true anymore. This job entails a very big responsibility for the hearing impaired customers and I cannot afford to risk that because i myself have my own “impairment.” I appreciate the concern that they have showed me and for giving me the chance to experience this account. all that i learned from this company will be charged to experience.

bluefrog's closure really made a big impact in my life. to be blunt it made my life miserable. if only they did not close and dismissed us illegally, i won't be experiencing all of these. all the while i thought i will be working there forever. well... that was what i thought because there is no such thing as forever.

marchtwentyseventwothousandeight


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