sorry for this long post. i don't have an internet connection at home so, i compiled all my thoughts in my computer. i only had time to post this today. so, here goes:
SWEET
last tuesday, we just received a letter from the management informing us that the company is terminating our employment effective february 15, 2008. However, due to the continuous financial loses of the company, we are not going to receive any separation pay. sweet.
-------------
i can't help but stare blankly at anything and anywhere. my brain refuses to think to the extent that i don't want to feel anything anymore. the start of the year is just not good for me. everything is just a mess. i got sick, i lost my job, now i am not going to get anything from the company i worked for a year and a half. sweet.
as far as i know, i was a good employee. i was rarely absent. i only do when i am really sick and not able go to work. i did my job well. i was loyal to the company even during the time they deprived us of our healthcard, food and transportation allowances. i saw it happen when the other employees came and went. together with the others, i stayed. and now, a few more people and i were left in vain.
one more question is hanging though, the uncertainty of the remaining salary that we should receive. that will be a big blow for me. i am unemployed. i am the family's bread winner. where are we going to get our daily needs? bummer.
-------------
with everything in mind... you cannot blame me if i wouldn't want to think or feel anything anymore.
januarytwentyninetwothousandeight
-------------
MAYBE
it feels like forever staying at home without looking forward to any work the next day. it's just been two weeks and yet it felt like it's been a month. i've thought of doing a lot of things. oh, i want to correct that. i want to DO a lot of things. or better yet i want to HAVE a lot of things. things that i have been planning to get way before but due to lack of time i failed to. however, i could not acquire them these days because of financial constraints. life is really sweet. isn't it?! :)
i started painting again after a few months when we got dumped on an art fair. the smell of oil paint and the sight of brushes, paint tubes and the finished works kept me sane lately. painting is the only thing that makes my brain work and makes me feel some happiness after the hard work. it feels like i was being transported to a different dimension whenever i started holding my paint brush. the same feeling when i am holding a camera. i never thought that one day i would be dragged back to something i love doing the most.
i am being melodramatic again. i must say i have not recovered yet. though, i don't feel like crying anymore. i still stare blankly most of the time. there are a lot of things running in my head. however, they are random thoughts that needs to be sorted. maybe i am just worried on what will happen to me and my mom. maybe i am worried that i won't pass the job i desire to get. or maybe i am getting tired of how my life has been for the past 29 years. maybe...
januarythirtytwothousandeight
elevenfiftysixpm
------------
i can feel that depression is eating me up. i just can't explain the feeling. sometimes, i feel okay but most of the time, i don't. i know i should not be depressed because anytime soon when i start looking for a job, i know i will definitely get one. the only question is will i be able to stay long in that job. to be honest, i don't know what i am looking for. definitely, i would like to get a high paying job. who does not want that?! of course, everyone i assume. money drives people to work hard and it is no different in my case. i've been at home for a long time already and i think my cough's going to stay with me for good because up until now, i still have it. life sucks. bummer.
----------
as i am writing this, it is already 5:30pm. we should have had our salary today. however, there is still no news if we are going to get it. what will happen to me and my mom?! bummer.
januarythirtyonetwothousandeight
----------
i think i am going to get insane. the news i am most frightened of, hit us all point blank. the company refusesd to pay us even a cent because according to our COO, the company does not exist anymore. hello?! didn't you just indicate in the document you gave us that our employment will be terminated on feb 15?! and what date is it today?! its not even the 15th of the month. so legally, we are still under your employment. and now you refuse to pay us?! i don't have enough words how to call you. i cannot even call you a human being for all the inhuman treatment we received from you, to think that you are also a filipino. how dare you treat us like garbage when during the hard times we did not waver and left the company. i can't believe that one day i would meet a person like you. i can't even put to words how to describe you. you are the worst of all the worst things i've ever known of. i hope this is the last time i'll ever meet someone like you and i hope that all the bad things you did to us will come back to you.
btw, i would like to warn the people who would trust these people to run their company in the philippines. beware, in a year or two your company will close down too because they do not care for your company. they only care for themselves and what they can get from you. they are like leeches that will suck your blood and get the life out of you. so beware. i'm sure you will swear that you should have not met and trusted these people.
-----------
today, i ran out of medicines for my daily medication. but what can i do?! i don't have any money to buy any medicines anymore. i hope the same fate won't happen to my mom. life really sucks these days.
februaryonetwothousandeight
----------
i am feeling a bit better now. painting for a few hours really helps me get by each day and also the tv programs my mom and i regularly watch. well, not to mention the korean tv series which is dubbed in tagalog that i am so addicted with. they keep me sane each day. not to mention, the small talks that my mom and i occasionally have. sometimes she whines, madalas sermon ang abot ko.
---------
i been thinking of asking financial help from my dad. my mom and i already talked about it. at first, she thought it was a bad idea. however, it is worth giving a try. the question is... is he willing to give us money. that... is... the big question. he already refused to give us financial support for more than a year and because of that i shouldered the responsibility. it is also the reason i've been really distracted for weeks already. i just wonder if he will oblige if i ask him. i have not talked with him for more than 3 years since the day he stepped out of our house. he never exerted any effort to see and talk to me, neither did i. i guess we are both too proud to make the first step. or maybe i was just too afraid to face him. the fear resurfaces whenever i see him and the sight of him brings back the frightful incident between him and my mom that day before he left. during that day, i was so afraid that all i did was cry. i never thought that i would be crying that hard because the last time i remembered crying that much was when i was 9 or 10 years old. and i never thought he would have ever done those things. suddenly, it felt that he turned into a monster. a monster ready to inflict harm to anything or anyone that will block his way. good thing my mom was a real fighter. a strong woman i truly admire. she did not hesitate for a bit and did not allow them to hurt any of us two. it was a very fateful day. no one got hurt, thank God. its been more than 3 years but whenever i go back to that day everything seems so fresh. i've been trying to forget that day. however, i guess it will take more time to do so.
---------------
i am still worried about what will happen to me and my mom. i am still optimistic that the good Lord will help us get by each day. i thank a couple of friends who offered to lend me money for our daily needs whom i politely declined. my mom was able to keep a few bucks that will hopefully help us get by until i finally get a job. and i am also hoping that i could get a part time job while we are waiting for the result of the case we filed against a not so very nice person that i hope will be the last that i get to meet. i am also hoping that i'll get a job as soon as i start job hunting. all in God's grace. God speed.
februarytwotwothousandeight
elevenfortyfour pm
SWEET
last tuesday, we just received a letter from the management informing us that the company is terminating our employment effective february 15, 2008. However, due to the continuous financial loses of the company, we are not going to receive any separation pay. sweet.
-------------
i can't help but stare blankly at anything and anywhere. my brain refuses to think to the extent that i don't want to feel anything anymore. the start of the year is just not good for me. everything is just a mess. i got sick, i lost my job, now i am not going to get anything from the company i worked for a year and a half. sweet.
as far as i know, i was a good employee. i was rarely absent. i only do when i am really sick and not able go to work. i did my job well. i was loyal to the company even during the time they deprived us of our healthcard, food and transportation allowances. i saw it happen when the other employees came and went. together with the others, i stayed. and now, a few more people and i were left in vain.
one more question is hanging though, the uncertainty of the remaining salary that we should receive. that will be a big blow for me. i am unemployed. i am the family's bread winner. where are we going to get our daily needs? bummer.
-------------
with everything in mind... you cannot blame me if i wouldn't want to think or feel anything anymore.
januarytwentyninetwothousandeight
-------------
MAYBE
it feels like forever staying at home without looking forward to any work the next day. it's just been two weeks and yet it felt like it's been a month. i've thought of doing a lot of things. oh, i want to correct that. i want to DO a lot of things. or better yet i want to HAVE a lot of things. things that i have been planning to get way before but due to lack of time i failed to. however, i could not acquire them these days because of financial constraints. life is really sweet. isn't it?! :)
i started painting again after a few months when we got dumped on an art fair. the smell of oil paint and the sight of brushes, paint tubes and the finished works kept me sane lately. painting is the only thing that makes my brain work and makes me feel some happiness after the hard work. it feels like i was being transported to a different dimension whenever i started holding my paint brush. the same feeling when i am holding a camera. i never thought that one day i would be dragged back to something i love doing the most.
i am being melodramatic again. i must say i have not recovered yet. though, i don't feel like crying anymore. i still stare blankly most of the time. there are a lot of things running in my head. however, they are random thoughts that needs to be sorted. maybe i am just worried on what will happen to me and my mom. maybe i am worried that i won't pass the job i desire to get. or maybe i am getting tired of how my life has been for the past 29 years. maybe...
januarythirtytwothousandeight
elevenfiftysixpm
------------
i can feel that depression is eating me up. i just can't explain the feeling. sometimes, i feel okay but most of the time, i don't. i know i should not be depressed because anytime soon when i start looking for a job, i know i will definitely get one. the only question is will i be able to stay long in that job. to be honest, i don't know what i am looking for. definitely, i would like to get a high paying job. who does not want that?! of course, everyone i assume. money drives people to work hard and it is no different in my case. i've been at home for a long time already and i think my cough's going to stay with me for good because up until now, i still have it. life sucks. bummer.
----------
as i am writing this, it is already 5:30pm. we should have had our salary today. however, there is still no news if we are going to get it. what will happen to me and my mom?! bummer.
januarythirtyonetwothousandeight
----------
i think i am going to get insane. the news i am most frightened of, hit us all point blank. the company refusesd to pay us even a cent because according to our COO, the company does not exist anymore. hello?! didn't you just indicate in the document you gave us that our employment will be terminated on feb 15?! and what date is it today?! its not even the 15th of the month. so legally, we are still under your employment. and now you refuse to pay us?! i don't have enough words how to call you. i cannot even call you a human being for all the inhuman treatment we received from you, to think that you are also a filipino. how dare you treat us like garbage when during the hard times we did not waver and left the company. i can't believe that one day i would meet a person like you. i can't even put to words how to describe you. you are the worst of all the worst things i've ever known of. i hope this is the last time i'll ever meet someone like you and i hope that all the bad things you did to us will come back to you.
btw, i would like to warn the people who would trust these people to run their company in the philippines. beware, in a year or two your company will close down too because they do not care for your company. they only care for themselves and what they can get from you. they are like leeches that will suck your blood and get the life out of you. so beware. i'm sure you will swear that you should have not met and trusted these people.
-----------
today, i ran out of medicines for my daily medication. but what can i do?! i don't have any money to buy any medicines anymore. i hope the same fate won't happen to my mom. life really sucks these days.
februaryonetwothousandeight
----------
i am feeling a bit better now. painting for a few hours really helps me get by each day and also the tv programs my mom and i regularly watch. well, not to mention the korean tv series which is dubbed in tagalog that i am so addicted with. they keep me sane each day. not to mention, the small talks that my mom and i occasionally have. sometimes she whines, madalas sermon ang abot ko.
---------
i been thinking of asking financial help from my dad. my mom and i already talked about it. at first, she thought it was a bad idea. however, it is worth giving a try. the question is... is he willing to give us money. that... is... the big question. he already refused to give us financial support for more than a year and because of that i shouldered the responsibility. it is also the reason i've been really distracted for weeks already. i just wonder if he will oblige if i ask him. i have not talked with him for more than 3 years since the day he stepped out of our house. he never exerted any effort to see and talk to me, neither did i. i guess we are both too proud to make the first step. or maybe i was just too afraid to face him. the fear resurfaces whenever i see him and the sight of him brings back the frightful incident between him and my mom that day before he left. during that day, i was so afraid that all i did was cry. i never thought that i would be crying that hard because the last time i remembered crying that much was when i was 9 or 10 years old. and i never thought he would have ever done those things. suddenly, it felt that he turned into a monster. a monster ready to inflict harm to anything or anyone that will block his way. good thing my mom was a real fighter. a strong woman i truly admire. she did not hesitate for a bit and did not allow them to hurt any of us two. it was a very fateful day. no one got hurt, thank God. its been more than 3 years but whenever i go back to that day everything seems so fresh. i've been trying to forget that day. however, i guess it will take more time to do so.
---------------
i am still worried about what will happen to me and my mom. i am still optimistic that the good Lord will help us get by each day. i thank a couple of friends who offered to lend me money for our daily needs whom i politely declined. my mom was able to keep a few bucks that will hopefully help us get by until i finally get a job. and i am also hoping that i could get a part time job while we are waiting for the result of the case we filed against a not so very nice person that i hope will be the last that i get to meet. i am also hoping that i'll get a job as soon as i start job hunting. all in God's grace. God speed.
februarytwotwothousandeight
elevenfortyfour pm
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